White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
