I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
