I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the day after is always just damage control
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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