After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
don't judge my taste in strippers
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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