Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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