If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
