ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
