I hate all girls vehemently.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
