this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
