um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
