I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
