i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
