I got chris browned last night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
