carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
