I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
