I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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