I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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