We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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