I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
