just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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