God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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