lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
