Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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