I wish my penis had an off switch
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
