yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
