i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
