I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
