Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
