It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
