I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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