i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
