1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
