Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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