i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
