Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
