my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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