Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
