yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
