remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is not my ceiling
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
