Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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