He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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