I just gift wrapped bread.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
