the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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