Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
