I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
