Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
