Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
did i walk over a car last night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
