areolas are like halos for boobs.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
