...so i touched it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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