TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
