well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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