so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm really busy with my period
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