you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
